Is this it?

There was a a song I somewhat remember with the verse... "Is this it?"

It may have been Weezer, but I'm not sure.

In any event.... I may be back.

I mean to blogging, of course... not a physical place.

We'll see what happens.

f@@@ blogger... and f$$$ google more!!!

What a complete waste of my time!

so, yes, this is the first entry in a few months. as such, i had a whomper planned but do you think i could sign in to my account? no sir. cause google took over a while back. that, in itself, was rather annoying, as you couldn't just sign in with your user name and password anymore, but had to type your whole bloody e-mail address.

so this time around, after several months on the Down Low, i decided to make my come-back in style with an entry that could only be compared to Big Bang, but do you think Blo-Google would let me in the door? no sir.

so there i sat, for several minutes trying various passwords that i have on memory, all to no avail, when finally i press the forgot password button, i then have to go to my inbox, and then the mail is cryptic, and i do it again, and each and every time (from the second attempted password) i have to punch in the "word" i see on the screen. i understand the basic concept of this principle - so that auto-bots don't fake in - but COME ON!!! WHY have it in written in a wave in various fonts!!?

there are, however, two plusses to this matter.... the first is due to the fact that i have i avoided making entries because the server mask i use had an annoying banner that i couldn't remove, claiming that each and every visitor was the 999 999th visitor... i hated that, but didn't have the time to search out a new provider. in the time that i have not written, they seem to have stopped that foolishness. this is good.

the second is that in writing "auto-bot" above, it got me thinking, and as a result i did a (goddamit) google search and see that there is a transformers movie out this summer!!! Fu@< me, really!!?? silver linings DO appear from the clouds that form from my ass. good to know.

in any event, i have the following things to say to some people if they are reading...

murph: many gomens on not getting back to you. thank you for the x-mas card. i didn't email cause i intended on a propper letter... it will arive.

manny: to you also, many gomens... m(_ _)m... does working 55hrs over 6days/week count as an excuse? i don't think it does, but some people might. i suspect you were gone for the G.W. as you never got back to me either... but maybe out of spite...

richard: glad to see you again... after 7 years or so... and to have you as a guest... a month or so ago... yup, i did finally see the photos, though it took me a while to figure out they were on your main page, and not your blog...

pat & ro : i hope you're doing well. though i haven't heard any good news from either of you in a while (though i veiw death and suicide as a completely neutral actions) i have heard rumors that you will both enter new phases in your lives - hate to sound like a fortune cookie - but trying to keep things somewhat veiled here... if rumors are true, please inform.

carm & kate: congrats on the wedding!!! i really wish i could have been in canada for it. work just wouldn't let me take vacation, which was a bitch. the ceremony and reception would have been cool, but more than anything i wish i could have seen zark talking about god shittin out a peach.... did that come up at all? but seriously, i send you 100 wishes. send me your address, so i can send my present.

zark: first off, did you talk about peaches and gods and devine pits at the wedding? if not, then i don't know what has become of you.... if you send me your new address, i will send you my translation of a Japanese classic tale - a boy that was born out of a peach pit - isn't it interesting that we had presidential peach nominations and Japanese sumo in common in our high school days? the irony is not lost on me. ALSO, the book you gave me for christmas is brilliant! i question some of his assumptions, but who would i be if i didn't? other than my questions, a GREAT book, that has filled in some gaps in my own historical research. again, thank you. (you should read it too)

dave: your polar bear photo email was ... graphic... interesting, to say the least. to be completely honest... humerous, from my point of view, and so i say thanks. my mom was a tad bit worried, though, as she figures you may be in the same situation some day. if so, remember, if you see on of those magnificent Arctic beasts, just yell "you are the king of this land! if a seal jumps, a walrus dives, or and Inuit runs, it is beacuse you willed it!" ... that or shoot it, cause there ain't no other way around the fact that they are the TOP of the chain... actually... you're better off shooting it, cause i have not idea if PBs understand human-talk. REGARDLESS, when are you coming back? as the ONLY friend of mine to have visited from a far away land, you have remarkable status within my brain. let us know.

An Ethical Dichotomy

Had a real zinger of a dillemma the other day while chatting with a chick who really annoys me, but she was working at the store I was in, and I haven't seen her in a while, so I had to talk with her.

See the problem I had was this: I was raised not to hit a woman. I do, however, think it appropriate to slap an idiot.

To preface, I will say that many many many Japanese women come across as complete idiots. It is a combination of the way they wear high heels even when going to the beach, how they attach anything cute to their cell phone, and how they balk at the first sign of an intelligent conversation. I'm not saying all these women are IN FACT idiots, as I suspect a good number of them are playing the card, cause anything close to a free thinking, adult backbone in a woman would send many Japanese men running.

The chick I was talking to, alas, is a complete tool. She has proven it to me time and time again with the things she says, the way she acts, and seeing that sparkle in her eye that shimmers "Wow, am I ever happy to be here!!!"

So the conversation that set my bells off was about winter vacation and all thigns associated with it. Allow me a little re-cap, for your viewing pleasure.

Her: WOW! Akira, haven't seen you in a while! Whatcha doin'?
A.S.: I'm going back to Canada for the holidays, so just shoppin' for some Christmas presents. How you bin?
Her: Good. Hey, you haven't been out drinking with us for a while! Why not!?
A.S.: Well, I'm pretty busy. I usually just hang out at home after work.
Her: Come out tonight. We drink every Thursday, you know.
A.S.: Ya... you guys are drinking tonight, too?
Her: We drink every Thursday! You know that!
A.S.: Today's Sunday.
Her: Oh yeah. Well come out on Thursday.
A.S.: Actually, I'm going back to Canada in 2 weeks, so I'm pretty busy with that stuff as well.
Her: What about the 24th?
A.S.: Christmas Eve?
Her: Yeah! We're having a party. You should come!!
A.S.: Well, I'll be in Canada then. I come back the 6th.
Her: You know Yasu, right? Of course you do. Call him. He's planning the Christmas party so needs to know who's coming. I'm sure if you ask him you can come.
A.S.: Ya... well, I'll be in Canada then. I'll be gone for 3 weeks.
Her: You're going to Canada!!!????
A.S.: Ya. I leave in 2 weeks.
Her: By plane?
A.S.: ....
Her: (Blankness in the eyes)
A.S.: Well the Bullet Train doesn't quite go that far, eh.
Her: Oh yeah. Of course by plane.
A.S.: (laugh)
Her: So you don't think you can come on the 24th?

Aside from the fact that I told her 4 times I was going to Canada before it sunk in.... by plane? What the fek question is that???

In the end, I didn't slap her... but I should have.

Lock-Jaw

Recently, I've been drinking to ease the pain.

Now... I know what you're all thinking: you're thinking "But Dr. Sundance, you've got a great girl on your arm that makes you chicken soup when you're sick, gave you a stylish Swiss watch that matches your personality for your birthday, and is wickedly fun to hang out with." And you'd be right.

You're thinking "But Dr. Sundance, you've got a job you like, and you're making heaps of cash doing it. You've amassed more fetti in 6 months than you did in 3 years!" And you'd be right.

You're thinking "Most importantly, Dr. Sundance, you shouldn't drink to ease your pain, you need to delve into your problem and search out the source of your problem, and real that fekker down by its horns!" And you'd be partially right.

You'd be right in that that is the correct way to deal with those problems... but my pain isn't of the heart, it's of the head and jaw area. And I already know the source of my pain, I just can't do anything about it for another 2 weeks until I get back to Canada.

See, due to fact that I grind my teeth while sleeping, I have a problem with mytemporomandibular joint in the jaw. It causes neck, shoulder and headaches that are really really shitty. Every morning my jaw pops, and sometimes, I can't even open my food hole all the way.

On the plus side, I can never be called a slack-jawed yokle. I am from the farms, but I am most certainly tight-jawed...

The Collective Unconscious, or a Past Life

Last night I was a Japanese archer in the forest battling opposing forces. I'm not sure if I was Japanese or not, as I never saw my own face, but my army certainly was... as were our enemies.

It was a dream that started in my bedroom, or at least a place that I had the same sense of comfort that I do in my bedroom. In reality, it was like a dwelling of some sort that had three walls. The fourth wall opened down into a large forested ravine. I picked up a bow for the first time and tried to pull the string back with amazing difficulty.

I grew.

I became a warrior-lord wearing a beautiful set of armour. My bedroom became a castle with high fortified walls sloping down into the forest. I listened to the animals of my forest. They told me of the approaching army. I do not know the reason for their attack. The animals never told me that part. Animals can't read the motives of humans, perhaps.

I knew they were coming. I knew they were strong. But they didn't know I knew. I took a small team of archers down the ravine and sat in waiting. They approached unarmed, planning to attack later. They settled together in a basin of the forest. We had the high ground.

I drew back my bow with ease and remembered how hard it had been as a boy. I could feel the tension of both the bow-string and the decision to make the first strike in my chest. It was the feeling of power. My arrow was not pointed. Rather, it had a blunt cylinder attached to the end of it, though I have no idea what it was for. It looked like it should be lit on fire, but I never lit it.

Our opponents never had a chance. We were spearing fish in a small puddle as we sat safely up on the rocks.

I smell burnt toast.

Recently I've been smelling hockey rinks. I have no idea how to describe the smell of an ice rink (not the dressing room, I mean the ice itself) so I'm hoping you've been in one.

I think there is something about the crispness of the air lately. The morning chill that enters your nose at a seemingly quicker pace that warmer air; the way it fills the sinus cavity in your forehead, right between your eyes; the way the air contracts that cavity, then swells as it warms.

There is a smell that ice has that maybe only people who have spent many hours in hockey rinks can appreciate. It is clean. It is pure. It is glorious.

And I've been smelling it when I least expect it, bringing memories flooding back.

Perhaps I'm not smelling it at all, but rather remembering the smell and thinking I smell it. My trip back to Canada is approaching, and becoming more more real each day. Yesterday I paid for our tickets, and got my re-entry permit to Japan. Now the concept of being in Canada for winter is more a reality. And I've been thinking of how much I want to hit the rink when I get back.

I want to teach her how to skate, and yet, since it's been 5 years since I've strapped them on myself, who's gonna re-teach me?

Sweeeeet Dreams

Well, we've done it. We've bought a wicked duvet for winter, and let me say that I have not slept like this in a long time.

Went to look for a bookshelf, and ended walking out of the store with a $150 duvet. In the store I saw a Japanese duvet for about 40 bucks, and had that in hand when we walked past a duvet that looked like it was cascading down from the heavens. In reality, it was cascading down from a railing, and was made in China. Yup, no comparison, feeling that stupid Japanese duvet that doesn't really keep you warm cause it's too firm and doesn't curve to your body and is filled with pollyester or something. Quickly tossed that Japanese crap aside and grabbed the Chinese white duck down comforter that felt like labia to my fingers. Soft. Sensual. Comforting.

There was also a Russian white goose down duvet for about 400 bones, but figured the duck would do us fine.

Unbelievable - the sleeps I get now. Yesterday I went over to Karin's for a bit. The first thing she said when we walked into her room?
"I miss your blanket."

Chicken Soup for the Zikker

My girlfriend rawks!!!

So after a bit of a bender of a weekend that included a Korean wedding where yours truly was forced to drink for about 10 hours, I ended up with a right nasty cold from the third ring of hell. Immune system runnin' in the red, and being around kids at my part time job brought about this nonesense.

Yesterday was terrible, with my strength and conciousness draining through the workday. Took a bit of a nap after work, and went to my part time job. I had emailled her about how shitty I felt, kind of in search of sympathy, I guess...

So I get home about 9pm, all bundled in the great sweater moms made me a few years back, scarf and toque to keep me warm, but the idea of going into my cold, dark lonesome apartment had me in a bit of a down mood. And then what to I see? A candle burning from my livingroom window. Ok. That's a lie. I can't see my livingroom window from the street, but I did see her bike in front of my apartment.

So into the house I race to the smell of somethin' cookin', and her warm warm smile... which was laughing at me for wearing so much winter crap ;-) And there on the stove was a pot of home made soup! (if ever I regretted giving her a key... )

MAN, what a trip! That she came over to make a pot of chicken soup for me was golden enough, but to make things better, she tells me how she didn't know what to do for me, so checked the blog of this Japanese chick married to a Canadian living in Montreal, and on the blog it says foreigners like chicken soup when they're sick. HA!!! Stereotypes tend to piss me off, but not this time. So my thanks go out to that chick in Montreal, as well.

She was a bit worried that it wouldn't be "like mom used to make" but considering mom used to make Lipton's when I was sick (no offense, mom) and this home made bit of brilliance was brimmin with cabbage, onion, ginger and chicken, it would have had Oedipus writhing with jealousy.

Timing, Timing, Timing....

So we just got a call from a Japanese aquaintence with a job offer. Gadmmit! She was kinda my boss a few years back when I worked at bar, and now she works for a pretty decent international company here in town.

They're looking for an interpreter/translater to deal with all the overseas branches and guests that come. I got a double recommendation to get the job, as there's this Austrian bloke in town now on a 6 month transfer. He'll go back to Austria for a couple months and comes back in January. Anyway, have bumped into him and Risa at a yakitori place I like a couple times, have chatted with him and he has seen me chatting in J, so he first threw in my name for the job and then Risa backed the idea, as she know better than him what level my J is.

As it stands, though, I've just started a new job that I like, and couldn't leave them in the winds. Gonna respect this contract, unlike I did at my last job... If only they'd called me in the summer... Did drop the line that I would like to enter a company at some point in the future, so to try me again should anything pop up.

Plus side though, feels pretty damned good to be contacted for a job I didn't apply for. Reputation is starting to get ahead of me, where is exactly where it should be.

"Your enemies will know of your character long before you meet them, my friend."
Good line from a not so good movie.

Canada's New Government???

So I've been a little pissed off at this "New Government of Canada" for several reasons, first and foremost being the ridiculously self righteous insistence that government agencies and personnel refer to the Tories as the "New Government of Canada". I understand the desire to separate yourself from the Liberals, and the fact that the Liberals were in power for a decade, but to force it as official nomenclature is utterly pompous.

They are so fascist, they fired a scientist for refusing to use the term, see here, though he was reinstated after some public outrage.

Last week I noticed the Government of Canada website had been changed to state this "New Government of Canada" title, which I strongly disagree with, as the current party is only a temporary representative. I see now the main page has been changed back to the original, though Harper's page still says "Canada's New Government".

So now we read that this "New" Government is slashing spending to those who need it most. I don't want to sound like a pot supporter, but when it comes to those suffering, I think it is a good thing. Other losers under the new regime seem to be our forests, our women, and our museums.

So the present government is fucking over the little guy. Tell me, what's so "new" about that?

A little bit of history...

Gave my desk a thorough cleaning today and found a newspaper from November 11, 2001 jammed in the back behind a drawer. Reading a newspaper that is almost 5 years old is quite interesting (although it makes you ask yourself if it can still be called a newspaper, as nothing in it is new, so much as it is new again) especially considering what an important date it holds. This paper is 2 months after New York was blown up, and about a month after the war in Afghanistan began. It's interesting to see the different take on many things.

If we knew then what we know now. But as that is impossible, I offer a more tangible goal to reach for... If we remembered now, what we knew then.


I don't think there is a single person that can forget Sept. 11, 2001. But what about Sept. 18th? That is one week after the twin towers came down, and the day that the Anthrax letters started.

"Oooohhhh yeah!!! The Anthrax letters. Forgot all about those." And so had I until I read this paper where the FBI (whose real agents can never live up to Mulder and Scully) released this brilliant profile of the mailer: "a man familiar with hazardous material, and a possible grudge against the letters' addressees." I see American tax dollars are hiring only the best minds of the country.

Anyhoo, I start to think about the fact that the Anthrax mailer seems to have fallen right out of the newspapers. Don't think I ever heard of anyone being caught, could it be like a Jack the Ripper kinda thing, where the government is covering up for one of it's own? So I'z doez some diggin and come by this interesting article that makes ya wonder... who does control the press, anyway?

I remember that after the twin towers, Dubya could do no wrong. Every paper and news show was behind him, covering up his blunders, not reporting his lies, and it was the first time in forever that that had happened. Now we have to ask the question, what is intentionally being left off out dinner plates in the hopes that we forget we once had it? Stop reporting on the Anthrax mailer and we eventually forget he existed.

Hey... didn't I used to eat steak? Memories are slowly starting to come back.

Crocodile Hunter is dead, I have a new job

Yup, Steve Irwn is dead, killed by a Stingray barb to the heart, and we ain't talkin Corvettes and Ken dolls here, people.

Can't tell me ya didn't see it comin'. The guy wrestles anything with teeth and holds his baby while he does it. I'm quite happy it was a stingray, to tell you the truth. I mean, I'm not happy he's dead, by any means, but I like that it was the gracefull gliding ray that did him in, and not a croc or a tiger. One death touch, rather than a mauling. Something Shao-lin-esque about it.

I'm on day three of the new job and liking it, though I am still not used to being up at such a rediculous hour. Naw, I like being up early, but can only do it if there is a reason. I am in awe of how many hours there are after work. I was a bit confused on what to do the first day, but after doing laundry, going for a walk, making dinner and generally hangin' about, I realized I can get quite used to this day job thing again.

Will see how thigns go.

Mahalo

T minus 4 Days

With only four days left of work in my office, I am noticing how quickly the time has moved recently. I don't have the feeling that Time has passed by, cause that feeling would have me standing motionless, wouldn't it, while the world whisks by without me. No, I feel more like a kid wearing a large piece of cardboard on his back on a windy day. The breeze is coming from behind, and kind of carries me along as I take big strides with my wings.

Kind of a nice feeling that comes with a realization of how much I've done these past 4 months.

And the realization of how far I'd like to go.

I want my Dinky Doily, Dammit!

Lots in the news this week, as it were, with American Senators complaining about Canadian safety, non-tax-paying-not-really Canadians complaining about the way they were evacuated from Lebanon (hey man, ya didn't have to get on the boat. you have a Canadian passport by loop-hole, and have never lived in Canada anyway) why the Canadian tax-payer flips the bill, and new airport fears that inevitably mean that there will be more regulations and rediculous rules at airports in the near future.

Up until today I was looking forward to going home during my winter break. In any event, I think this will just kick start me to do what I've wanted to do for a long time: pay the extra money to avoid flying through the States. Is there any other country that makes you collect your checked baggage during a lay-over, only to go through the labourous task of going through security to re-check your bags? If so please let us know. I think it says they don't trust the compitence of other countries.

No more bringing your own water on the plane? Come on now. How long till anal cavity searches for all passengers? How long till clothing is no longer permitted? Welcome to your nude Club Med trip to icy Chicago. Dinky Doily provided free of charge to warm your exposed and shivering member, cause we appreciate your business.

Why can't we admit guilt?

What is wrong with the human animal? What is it about us that so fears the outcome of admitting wrong doings? This post is charged by the recent findings regarding Tour de France possibly winner/possible big loser, Floyd Landis of America, but in a bigger way, it is about us all.

When I was in grade four, I was in the bathroom of my school with a kid named Mike Willichko. He dared me on to flush a piece of cardboard (which was ontop the urinal tank) down the toilet. I am not one to turn down a dare, and tried. Of course, the carboard went nowhere, and we both fled the bathroom giggling.

Later that day, when the heat came down, he ratted me out.

If I were him, I would not be a proud man. I would loathe myself for pigeoning a mate. But the fact is that I too, did something I am not proud of. When interogatted, I said it was he that stuffed the cardboard into the toilet. The result being that we were both brought before the principal for a face to face. In that setting, seeing his fat freckled face, I could not lie. When asked who did it I said I did. I was given 100 lines to write over the Christmas holidays, one "line" being about 3 sentences long.

I don't regret it. Though I think he was a big mouthed coward that got off scott free for egging me on, I deserved it. I am the one responsible.

But why do we have the desire to deny what we have done when we know we it to be wrong? Can we so easily blame it on Adam and Eve and Original Sin?

Why did I so vehemantly defend Ben Johnson of Canada, when he so clearly won the gold with steroids in '88, regurgitating the claim that someone slipped it in his drink?

More than the fact that we don't want out heros to be bad guys, we ourselves, don't want to be bad guys. And our distorted self perception (not who we are, but how we feel others perceive us) is what drives us.